Will you accept being labeled, or will you adapt to leaving a legacy?
A legacy doesn’t mean creating an empire, acquiring wealth, or becoming famous. Creating a legacy simply means inspiring change, even after you die. As long as you make a difference in someone’s life, who will in turn make a difference in someone else’s life, you are leaving a legacy.
But how do you leave a legacy when you feel unworthy?
I’ve been called a lot of things:
- A drunk
- Sloppy
- Selfish
- Jealous
- Insecure
- Toxic
- Judgmental
- Arrogant
The list goes on and on. Others weren’t wrong to think these things about me. They were certainly behaviors I displayed. In fact, I’m always one moment away from slipping back into habits that cause these undesirable results.
While this may resonate with you, I’m not writing it for you. I’m writing it for the person you love who you wish would change. I’m about to preach to myself, so follow along if you are up for a perspective shift.
Take a moment to analyze the list of people you’ve labeled in your mind over the past year. This could be a parent you don’t believe will change, a friend you disagree with politically, or it could be your own child who you’ve lost all hope in.
The harsh reality is some people leave this world before a change occurs. I know first hand how hurtful that is to us who are left behind.
This is one of the many reasons it is incredibly important to remember that we are in control of the change, and always have been: the change within ourselves.
You may have heard this phrase: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”
The person or people you’ve labeled — it’s quite possible that they’ve labeled you as well. If neither of you change, what will change?
The change in you can affect the change in others.
Let me explain. I’ll use myself as an example.
At the beginning of this journal entry, I listed labels that not only others gave me, but which I accepted as my own. I got to a point where I sabotaged good things just to prove everyone right. Sometimes it was a form of self-hate. Other times, it was just easier than trying to prove them wrong.
However, the change in me began with people around me: people who believed in me despite my past, and despite my situations. People who loved me where I was at and insisted that I was not all of these labels I wore. Truth be told, I thought something was wrong with them, but I couldn’t resist the light. Eventually their light started to burn inside of me, and my light became a light to others.
This is where the real work began: the awareness that I have to continue to change in order for the people around me to change. There are three reasons this is very difficult for me:
- Pride. It’s hard to love someone where they are at when you feel that they are wrong and you are right. Letting go of that pride is usually my first step.
- Boundaries. Sometimes I want to avoid loving difficult people, because it forces me to set boundaries, and that can get uncomfortable.
- Fear of disappointment. It is a crushing feeling to get your hopes up, only to be let down. A common self-protection mechanism is to resist having hope in the first place.
These three areas are where the real work is done that leads to change in yourself, and others. You will transform your behaviors instead of transferring them. Simply put: hurt people hurt people. (Those who are themselves hurt by others will in turn cause harm to other people.)
When you transform your behaviors towards people who hurt you, this is how you leave a legacy. People become inspired by your humility and strength.
Practicing loving people who disappoint me has been the greatest character building exercise of my life. I know I have disappointed a lot of people who have loved me too.
To the people who loved me where I was at: thank you. Your light became my light, and the labels I once wore have fallen away.
As I continue to work on being that light for others, every once in a while, a light shines back at me as if I’m looking into a mirror. The truth is, I am looking in a mirror, because the way I treat others is just a reflection of my own darkness, not theirs.
I pray you have a luminous day today, and every day. One day at a time.