To the girl who was disappointed by her daddy:
I see you.
I know what it feels like to feel the contradicting feelings of yearning for his approval, while despising the way he lives.
I know what it feels like to feel like you love someone, and hate them at the same time.
I know what it’s like to lie for someone who is hurting you, when that person is someone who is supposed to protect you.
I know all about the burden of keeping secrets for someone, because you believe it’s protecting them.
I know what it’s like to give up the things you love in an effort to earn love.
I know what it feels like to wonder: “At what point did he decide that substance was more important than me?”
I know how it affects you today. You know the feeling. It’s the way your body heats up with a feeling of shame when someone makes a joke about girls with “daddy issues”.
I see you.
I know how it feels to be ashamed of a situation you know you didn’t cause, but subconsciously you know it’s easier to blame yourself, because that’s at least something you can control.
I know what it’s like to struggle in relationships because that little girl never learned how to receive unconditional love.
I know what it’s like to struggle in business because that little girl doesn’t feel worthy to ask for the raise.
I know what it’s like to think punishing yourself for the past will help your shame, when it is fuel to shame’s fire.
I know what it’s like to carry all the resentments, because being angry is easier than feeling sad.
I know how hard it is to make the decision to face your biggest fear, with that fear being yourself.
I know what it’s like to grieve the version of you that is no longer welcome, so you can rescue the one that was abandoned: yourself.
I know what it’s like to be triggered constantly. Fear of disappointment. Can I trust this person or that person? In reality, the person you’re afraid to trust is you.
I see you.
I know the hard work you put in to rebuild your life with the stones that were thrown at you.
I know what it feels like to think: “Why is being happy so hard for me?” even while motivating others to live their best lives, because, well, they deserve it.
I know the effort it takes to believe you deserve it too.
I know what it’s like to be the unlikely one who decided to do the work nobody else was willing to do to break the dysfunctional cycle.
I know how confusing it can be to feel sad even though things are getting better. Grief isn’t only reserved for loss.
I know how it feels to find closure without getting closure.
I know how free it feels to finally give yourself grace: accepting that you did the best you could with the life you had.
I also know what it’s like to extend that grace to others; perhaps they did the best they could with the life they had too.
I know what it’s like to develop a new freedom that comes with the gift of having empathy for others.
I know what it’s like to turn my pain into purpose.
I know it when I see it: Another girl disappointed by her daddy, working to break generational cycles and change the world. I see you.
Signed,
A girl who loves her daddy
